A new training season

The training season for a long distance race is like a good book - it teaches you something new every time you go back to it.

I've run a couple of full and half marathons and my goal so far had been to be able to finish. This year however, I'm trying to actually race i.e run instead of jog. So most of my focus this training season is on improving my pace.

The most remarkable thing about this season is how it has changed the way I look at each run. When I first started running, there was the thrill and challenge of running farther than you've ever done before, so each training run would be motivated by a sort of passion. Then after the first few races, the passion died down a bit and a training run became a relatively casual affair for me - be it 3 miles or 9 miles or anything in between.  I knew I could finish it no matter what, so the main struggle was finding the time and making myself run regularly. A sore muscle here, a little pain over there didn't matter much. The point of the run would be just doing it.

Now however, I need to run at a certain pace - slower initially, then at target pace, then hold it above a certain threshold throughout so that the final average pace is what I want it to be. So each run is special now. Which in turn means I have to care about keeping my muscles in their best working condition, can't just dive in hoping I make the pace. I have to actually pay attention to stretching and warming up and splits and posture and core workouts and strength training. This is novel for me. The same training season I did last year is now teaching me something new.

What I've been getting from running

1) The ability to persevere when you feel and think that you are completely drained or that there is no hope left of reaching your goal.

I've lost count of how many times this has happened. Having gone through the process painfully and slowly, I distinctly remember how hopeless and lonely you feel when you are running alone on a trail, miles from the nearest drinking water/food source or any transport to take you back home. And you've been running for several hours already, your thighs and hips are aching with every step - getting stiffer and tighter, feet feel rubbery and sore , knees hurt, sweat has drenched your body but has dried on your face leaving coarse salty residue that itches. Sometimes you simply forget the reason why you are doing this. It is in those moments when you stick to the plan in spite of all that and keep taking one step after another in a journey bereft of hope, that your mettle is tested. Keep moving and doing what you think is right even if your mind keeps telling you that you are not going to make it. This lesson has proved useful in many other areas.

I think that, like willpower, perseverance is a quality you acquire through practice - regular, painful practice. A typical novel or film hero often has this quality from birth, but I assume that is very rare in real life.

2) A changing perception of distance. 3 miles..10 miles..20 miles are not what they used to mean earlier.

3) A deeper appreciation for people who are physically active and who have shaped their bodies well through effort than through shortcuts.

4) A rewarding lifestyle.

5) Lots of free, organic, intracranial, noninvasive, endorphin shots.

This weekend's 8 mile run was pretty eventful, two bike accidents and yours truly hitting the dirt but escaping with only a graze on the knee. The landscape more than compensated for it - the river, evening sun being swallowed by clouds on the horizon, sea gulls going for a last catch and a cool breeze. Should've clicked a photo.

The next one

Exploring the mind-body connection has been a fascinating experience so far, not just in my personal sample size of one but in other people too. Humans respond so easily to ideas and words if they manage to penetrate their thoughts.

So far, my interest has been to use thoughts/ideas to create habits and change the context in which I perform actions so as to make it easier for me to stick to changes. Joining a team, getting a good hydration pack which will also hold my stuff while on a long run, having multiple alarms etc were ways to ensure that I did not have to rely too much on my willpower alone.

This has worked very well so far...except in the last training season. I had to scale back to a half marathon from a full one because I didn't put in the time and effort needed to train properly for the latter. It was easy to justify this with the fact of increased work, some boredom with running and overall life issues, but justifications don't get you to the finish line.

With the move to an invigorating new city though, things seem to be looking up.

The full-time work is still around and in fact more time consuming, but the context in which I live has changed. I haven't joined a running team here yet, but the city is full of runners and amazingly active people. Whether it is the workplace or my residential area, there is always someone breezing past. Something about watching fit and athletic people do something well makes you want to shed off your inertia. So while after the half marathon I dabbled in weight training and biking and a few odd exercises (kayaking! seven minute workout! yoga!); running is calling me back. And I've given in to the call. Re-experiencing the primal joy of running is different than the good soreness you feel after lifting weights. Plus the best way to explore a city is on foot.

I've managed to put on the miles sporadically in the past month or so and am feeling confident enough to dive into systematic training for the next big 'un. I also switched to thin soled 'barefoot' shoes last month, so it worked out well that I broke into them slowly rather than starting the training with them. I feel my speed has improved, but will need to accumulate data on this before I can be sure.

However, this time I don't have the support/context of a team. So this is where willpower will have to kick in. I will cheat a bit though - I've already set up an accountability system with a buddy in the former city who also needs someone to push him a bit for his workouts. So far, the going has been great.

I have some pleasant memories of logging the training progress for my first marathon. I'd like to repeat that here. This is especially useful for the solitary long runs, which are refreshing yet paradoxically exhausting both mentally and physically.

So here's to a full marathon in Fall (or earlier).

New running experiment

Back after almost a month's hiatus! Didn't realise it had been so long. When work is going at a great pace, it becomes easier to ignore other things. But I made some deliberate time today to write, even if it only a short post (as I suppose most of my posts will be for some time)

I've kept up with running and added weight training to it. Although I wanted to do free weights, the instructor was more keen on machines. Once the body gets used to it, the free weights are to be added later on. I don't understand the logic behind this. Would've loved to start a program like the Stronglifts 5x5. But that would be more time commitment than I can handle right now. Minimalism in goals is important too.

The new running experiment I'm doing is simply to run shorter distances but at a faster pace. Why? Because it's more fun, takes less time, is more intense (hence better cardio and adds power) and I'm terribly slow at running anyway. So, increasing the baseline pace will probably help me run a faster marathon next time. Let's see the results six months from now.

Gratitude

Sometimes, it's shocking when I realize after some thought how the 'few' resources I have are actually an immense advantage.

A simple example - I can put in a run late at night, even midnight, if I haven't done that in daytime. And I've run a lot during evenings than I have in the mornings. This is because of the fitness center in my apartment. Without much preparation beforehand, without having to take any precautions (safe routes), dress up for the weather, carry water and money/keys, without having to drive, I can simply get up and get my regular dose of mood lifter with just an elevator ride below. There is a compromise of course. The treadmill can never match the trail. But a run is a run. And the endorphins don't care about the surface you ran on. Such a simple thing can keep your days and nights on track.

Once you start noticing the things you have an advantage at, the list keeps growing. Your health, your family, your education, the fact that you are able to piss and poop normally! (years ago I had read a Reader's Digest story about a Somalian girl who suffered female genital mutilation, later on escaping and becoming a supermodel. She described, among other terrible things she had to undergo, how even urinating daily was a painful experience for her because of what they did to her. Then there's also seeing people in the hospital with catheters and colostomies. You can't help but think how lucky you are.)

And as this realization becomes a recurring thought over days, it seems stranger and stranger to waste your life and time doing things you are not interested in or which add no value to your life or to that of others you care for.

You never know when something you value will suddenly disappear.

Run while you can. Do things you want to do while you can.

One step after another

When you are in the last few miles of a long run (which often turn out to be the hardest) and are on the verge of giving up, you can't afford to think of how things would've turned out 'if only' you had done things differently before the run or during the earlier miles. Neither does it help to think of what will happen after the run.

Any thoughts at that point about the past or about giving up will hinder rather than help you.

The fastest way to get relief and to not regret it later on, is to keep going.

The feeling is crazy because here are you are exhausted and hurting and your legs don't want to move anymore. A small break, just a teeny weeny one minute walking break would make you feel refreshed you think. Everything in your body tells you to stop there or take a pause. Many things in your mind keep hammering that too. Our minds are so used to a culture of convenience that it doesn't make any sense at all to go through this entirely voluntary madness. We are surrounded by things designed to make every small slice of our life as comfortable as we can afford it to be. Our chairs, bed, quilts, couches, cars, carpets, gadgets, food, desserts, furniture, language, gestures, TV shows, social networks....everything has evolved to provide comfort and convenience. Why then should you put yourself through the misery of those last few miles?

The answer is different for everyone.

However, the way to reach the destination honorably remains the same. One step after another. Maybe your stride and breathing is now more efficient than before and you are running smarter, not just harder. But it is still one step after another.

And the same answer applies when you are stuck at some point in life, outside of running. It doesn't matter that you've come so far,  that you didn't get a fair deal in life (the weather isn't always perfect for running), that you faltered and had to stop running for some time in the past, that there's no one to cheer you on when you think you need it most, that you've temporarily forgotten why you are doing this, that others are doing this way better than you, that you suck at this. The only thing that matters is you keep going even if it hurts so damn much.

Snow run

I hope this turns into an annual pilgrimage of sorts. Almost exactly a year ago I did this on a different trail.

December-January usually brings some snow to this area. Not enough to cause major disruptions, just to make it feel wintery.

Last year, my running group had planned a 15 mile run on one of the trails. They had to cancel at the last minute, but by then I was already one hour into the run because I'd started earlier. So I continued by myself.

And it turned out to be a beautiful experience. The snow covered path, trees and branches, the river frozen in patches, the footprints left by the few people and animals before me, the silence disturbed only by my steps and the occasional call of an animal or bird and the gurgling of the river where it hadn't frozen over. The weather was overcast but there was adequate light. I would come across a person after running for several miles, no one else was around most of the time. Even saw a big deer a couple of times who'd pause and look at me from a distance and then bound away. The only evidence of modern technology were the occasional caution signs and markings.

When someone says the word solitude, it evokes abstract images in my mind. There is a lot of overlap of that concept with silence, peace, aloneness and tranquility. But in those miles of running, I guess I found a very tangible sense of what solitude looks and feels like.

This weekend, an 11 mile run brought back that feeling. Some photos from the trail:

Some people think of it as unnecessary torture - running in minus 15 degree temperatures in distant areas early on a saturday morning when you could be in your warm bed under a quilt or perhaps having a hot cup of coffee. But I guess this is one of those things you understand and perhaps start liking, only if you do it. Sort of an acquired taste. 

The first few miles of the run make you feel really good (hey, you made it there overcoming the huge internal  resistance of waking up on a cold morning and reaching the trail with running gear and supplies.That itself makes you pat yourself on the back). As your body slowly warms up and your feet get used to stepping a certain way to avoid slipping, you start noticing your surroundings better - especially the quiet, mixed with sounds you miss otherwise. A breaking twig here, snow slipping from overladen leaves there. 

Occasionally, a patch of motionless dry grass and leaves suddenly erupts with dozens of little birds flying out of their well-camouflaged spots as you run by.

I let the environment sink in for the first half of the run. Then it's time for some music since it can get pretty lonely out there. Luckily for me, this came up in my iPod to perfectly complement the surroundings.

Of course, this was followed by Chayya Chayya from Dil Se and some other dhinchak songs that I have no idea how they landed in my playlist.

The mood-elevating effect of the run goes on increasing till you are well past the halfway mark. That's the point, the part where 3/4 of the run is over, at which your body starts protesting. For me, it's mostly the thighs and knees that scream. When I started running seriously more than a year ago, it used to be the shins and side-stitches. Good to know that different parts of my body co-operate in the protest.

That is the part of the run where you have to talk yourself into not stopping. It is so very tempting to take a walking break then. 'Just a few minutes of walking and I'll run better after that'. But it's a mind trap. It reduces your efficiency immensely and it becomes harder to get back into the flow of running with every such break. This is the part which shows you what you are made of, whether you can push yourself enough. I try to make things easier by pampering myself a bit- a chocolate gel pack even if I'm not feeling very tired, some music..whatever it takes to keep going.

The last mile or so is mostly a blur.

In a sense, I give up hope of ever making it back, give up plans about things I'll do when I'm done. Self doubt and a dark foreboding fill up the mind - 'why am I doing this, I'm no good at this, there are so many mistakes I've done in life, this isn't helping any of that, this is so stupid, just stop!'.

And I have stopped at this point on some previous runs. It doesn't help, only makes you feel worse. So now,  when this happens I just keep placing one foot after the other. There's no other goal left in life for those last ten minutes but to keep the back straight, arms up and not stop.

And then there's the rush of joy and relief as you recognize the familiar landmark which tells you - you are done. All the pain and sweat and discomfort and doubt - all of it goes away in that one instant. You slow down and stretch and your body hurts. But it feels so good. You sit down and slowly bite into a juicy pear.

If that moment doesn't count as one that makes you 'feel alive', I don't know what does.

There is something cathartic, something purifying about your mind and body going through a painful process like that and emerging from the other side. It's kind of a safe way to squeeze unnecessary negativity out of your mind and body.

Why shouldn't feeling alive like that count as a spiritual experience? For me, it does and hence I want to do this pilgrimage every year.

Setting aside prejudice

Rap music turned me off big time. Much of it still does. Nothing wrong with the art form, it just isn't for me. I don't understand what they are saying most of the time, both the pronunciation and speed are out of my comprehension abilities. It doesn't help matters that whenever a car passes-by blaring loud music, it is inevitably playing rap. Also, newer Hindi music directors have this annoying penchant for adding mindless rap bits to otherwise okay songs. Add to that the reputation that rap artists have for drugs, violence and crime. I started actively turning away from rap.

Eminem's 'Till I Collapse' changed my outlook somewhat though. It's part of the original soundtrack of Real Steel.

I found it to be perfect for pepping up a boring run.

This was followed soon by 'Lose yourself' - another number perfect for running.

The beats in these two songs aren't great for setting a brisk pace. But the words and the way they are delivered more than compensate for the slower tempo. You can't feel sleepy or tired while listening to these.

There's one by Tupac Shakur that I heard in passing in a friend's car. Searching for it now.

Never thought I'll be on the way to becoming a fan of rap music.

Things to remember for the next marathon

1) Take cross training and core workouts as seriously as keeping up the weekly mileage.

2) Do speed-training

3) Remember to study the starting area layout for 'gear check'.

4) Invite some friends to the race. Apart from sharing your happiness, they can also click photos and hold your gear for you.

5) Book a massage appointment BEFORE the marathon for a 1 or 2 days AFTER the marathon.

6) Figure out how you are going to get back home after the run, BEFOREHAND.

7) Buy as many gel packs as your belt can carry. No miserly behavior there.

8) Make sure you take a dump, clear your nose, have nipple protection, vaseline for intertriginous areas, and sweat band before the run.

9) Get your shoelaces tight. Check once just before starting.

10) The slow miles should be only the first 3-5 ones. After that pick up speed or you'll lose momentum. Let yourself run and be exhausted. You have the gels and water.

11) The most refreshing food to be had during the race is oranges or grapefruit.

12) Stop with the internal dialogue after 20 miles. There's no point in quitting after 20 miles anyway (unless it's an emergency). From 13-20 keep telling yourself that it's just an hour or so more and the more you keep going, the sooner it will be over.

13) Have really good party plans. Run hard and party hard.

Hitting the wall

Around the time you 'hit the wall' during the latter half of a marathon, the way you think changes.

The discomfort, exhaustion, pain, the compelling urge to go on and give up at the same time, the noticeable lack of people around you make you realize how alone you really are.

At that point, your friends, family, teammates, other runners, your dog, nobody can really understand where you are mentally. Even if some of them do, there's really nothing they can do about it. That's a sort of unique thing about long distance running. Your performance depends mostly on you. How others perform or support  you becomes irrelevant. It's you,all alone.

Once you 'get' how alone you really are, there are several things your mind starts processing. One is, what I believe most people end up doing, is to think positively. Hope, optimism, determination, courage(?), grit, just pushing through it, willpower. All those positive desirable traits show up. This becomes easier if your personality at baseline is of that sort.

Occasionally however, the darker side of your personality can show up. The constant discomfort turns you into a snarling beast internally. Someone who is immune to the good charm and bonhomie that was around him just some time ago. Who is focused on only one thing. Pushing and punishing himself till this is done.

Ego-running and selfless running

Around the middle of the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig describes a pilgrimage he attempted in India. He set out for Mt. Kailas, the source of Ganga and the mythological abode of Shankar. He was in the company of a holy man and his followers.

But despite having the physical strength and intellectual motivation, he gave up after the third day and the pilgrimage went on without him.

Thinking about the reason for his failure, he makes a distinction between ego-climbing and selfless climbing.

He acknowledges that he was doing the whole thing for himself, to broaden his experience. He was using the mountain and the pilgrimage for his own purposes. In other words his view and experience of the pilgrimage was ego-centric. Ego-climbing.

The others however, saw the mountain as bigger (in metaphorical terms) than them. Their submission to its holiness made climbing an act of devotion for them. Unreal as it sounds, this gave them the strength to endure more than he could, even though he was the physically stronger one. They were not climbing for themselves but devoting their steps to something bigger than them. Selfless climbing, in one sense.

I've realized gradually that endurance activities- running, for me - are as much if not more about the mindset as about physical strength. This anecdote and the distinction between ego-and selfless running gives a good structure for developing a mindset when running. While it may be hard to think about a trail or a running path in a city as holy, it would be helpful to try selfless running by being more present and mindful of the process of running. He has described it more eloquently. A few extracts (I re-read the passage substituting running for climbing):

"To the untrained eye ego-climbing and selfless climbing may appear identical. Both kinds of climbers place one foot in front of the other. Both breathe in and out at the same rate. Both stop when tired. Both go forward when rested. But what a difference! The ego-climber is like an instrument out of adjustment. He puts his foot down an instant too soon or too late. He's likely to miss a beautiful passage of sunlight through the trees. He goes on when the sloppiness of his step shows he's tired. He rests at odd times. He looks up the trail trying to see what's ahead even when he knows what's ahead because he just looked a second before. He goes too fast or too slow for the conditions and when he talks his talk is forever about somewhere else, something else. He's here but he's not here. He rejects the here, is unhappy with it, wants to be farther up the trail but when he gets there will be just as unhappy because then it will be "here". What he's looking for, what he wants, is all around him, but he doesn't want that because it is all around him. Every step's an effort, both physically and spiritually, because he imagines his goal to be external and distant."

I wonder though if this can be put into practice when you are running in a group or with a partner.

These things work

Solitude
Running
Waking up early
Minimalism
Writing
Simplicity
Cooking
Meditation

They may not show results quickly. Or even the results that are expected. But they are steps to reaching your goals. They work quietly, the progress is slow but long lasting and for the better. Keep at it. Don't give up.