Supersaturated solution

Garbage in, Garbage out.

What you read, what you see (and enjoy) deeply impacts how you think and the way you interpret events and people. These things are also major factors influencing what kind of ideas you generate, how you detect patterns, think of abstract concepts and make connections between disparate entities.

This is an obvious piece of wisdom, but is sometimes overlooked because it is so obvious.

In Zen and the Art of motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig describes the incident where his thinking process started coming together into one coherent mass. Although in the beautiful analogy below, his emphasis is on the suddenness of the event, in this post I'm focusing on the causes leading up to that event.

That was the moment it all started. That was the seed crystal.

A powerful fragment of memory comes back now. The laboratory. Organic Chemistry. He was working with an extremely supersaturated solution when something similar had happened. 

A supersaturated solution is one in which the saturation point, at which no more material will dissolve, has been exceeded. This can occur because the saturation point becomes higher as the temperature of the solution is increased. When you dissolve the material at a high temperature and then cool the solution, the material sometimes doesn't crystallize out because the molecules don't know how. They require something to get them started, a seed crystal, or a grain of dust, or even a sudden scratch or tap on the surrounding glass.

He walked to the water tap to cool the solution but never got there. Before his eyes, as he walked, he saw a star of crystalline material in the solution appear and then grow suddenly and radiantly until it filled the entire vessel. He saw it grow. Where before was only clear liquid there was now a mass so solid he could turn the vessel upside down and nothing would come out.

The one sentence "I hope you are teaching Quality to your students" was said to him, and within a matter of a few months, growing so fast you could almost see it grow, came an enormous, intricate, highly structured mass of thought, formed as if by magic.

Whether we get a seed crystal to consolidate our thoughts into a clear, significant mass or not, the prerequisite for forming even less well-thought out ideas remains the same - saturating our mind with information and thoughts relevant to the topic (prior to that event, Pirsig had spent years reading, exploring and thinking about Quality). It is only when we fill or over-fill our mind with thoughts about our chosen subject, obsessively, passionately focusing on it till our brain becomes supersaturated with it, that we can create something truly remarkable.

Unless we do that (passionate pursuit), Prof. Larry Smith argues, we will not have great results.

If the solution contains enough of other residues and impurities, it may not get saturated with the stuff you want. If you fill your mind with pop culture, crap movies, news, cat videos, funny ads and  social media when these are not part of your passion, you lose the opportunity to saturate your mind with the stuff that really matters to you and consequently the opportunity to generate the ideas and actions you might otherwise produce.

In that case, the ideas that have gone into your mind are going to inevitably affect what comes out of your mind. Garbage in, garbage out.

But then is it possible to altogether avoid garbage? Is all garbage bad? Perhaps the key is to keep the level of garbage you put in your mind low enough so that it doesn't affect the outcome. Learning to say No would be critical then.

I don't know the boundaries to this kind of obsession, whether there are any or where they are drawn. Would be worth it to find out.

Snow run

I hope this turns into an annual pilgrimage of sorts. Almost exactly a year ago I did this on a different trail.

December-January usually brings some snow to this area. Not enough to cause major disruptions, just to make it feel wintery.

Last year, my running group had planned a 15 mile run on one of the trails. They had to cancel at the last minute, but by then I was already one hour into the run because I'd started earlier. So I continued by myself.

And it turned out to be a beautiful experience. The snow covered path, trees and branches, the river frozen in patches, the footprints left by the few people and animals before me, the silence disturbed only by my steps and the occasional call of an animal or bird and the gurgling of the river where it hadn't frozen over. The weather was overcast but there was adequate light. I would come across a person after running for several miles, no one else was around most of the time. Even saw a big deer a couple of times who'd pause and look at me from a distance and then bound away. The only evidence of modern technology were the occasional caution signs and markings.

When someone says the word solitude, it evokes abstract images in my mind. There is a lot of overlap of that concept with silence, peace, aloneness and tranquility. But in those miles of running, I guess I found a very tangible sense of what solitude looks and feels like.

This weekend, an 11 mile run brought back that feeling. Some photos from the trail:

Some people think of it as unnecessary torture - running in minus 15 degree temperatures in distant areas early on a saturday morning when you could be in your warm bed under a quilt or perhaps having a hot cup of coffee. But I guess this is one of those things you understand and perhaps start liking, only if you do it. Sort of an acquired taste. 

The first few miles of the run make you feel really good (hey, you made it there overcoming the huge internal  resistance of waking up on a cold morning and reaching the trail with running gear and supplies.That itself makes you pat yourself on the back). As your body slowly warms up and your feet get used to stepping a certain way to avoid slipping, you start noticing your surroundings better - especially the quiet, mixed with sounds you miss otherwise. A breaking twig here, snow slipping from overladen leaves there. 

Occasionally, a patch of motionless dry grass and leaves suddenly erupts with dozens of little birds flying out of their well-camouflaged spots as you run by.

I let the environment sink in for the first half of the run. Then it's time for some music since it can get pretty lonely out there. Luckily for me, this came up in my iPod to perfectly complement the surroundings.

Of course, this was followed by Chayya Chayya from Dil Se and some other dhinchak songs that I have no idea how they landed in my playlist.

The mood-elevating effect of the run goes on increasing till you are well past the halfway mark. That's the point, the part where 3/4 of the run is over, at which your body starts protesting. For me, it's mostly the thighs and knees that scream. When I started running seriously more than a year ago, it used to be the shins and side-stitches. Good to know that different parts of my body co-operate in the protest.

That is the part of the run where you have to talk yourself into not stopping. It is so very tempting to take a walking break then. 'Just a few minutes of walking and I'll run better after that'. But it's a mind trap. It reduces your efficiency immensely and it becomes harder to get back into the flow of running with every such break. This is the part which shows you what you are made of, whether you can push yourself enough. I try to make things easier by pampering myself a bit- a chocolate gel pack even if I'm not feeling very tired, some music..whatever it takes to keep going.

The last mile or so is mostly a blur.

In a sense, I give up hope of ever making it back, give up plans about things I'll do when I'm done. Self doubt and a dark foreboding fill up the mind - 'why am I doing this, I'm no good at this, there are so many mistakes I've done in life, this isn't helping any of that, this is so stupid, just stop!'.

And I have stopped at this point on some previous runs. It doesn't help, only makes you feel worse. So now,  when this happens I just keep placing one foot after the other. There's no other goal left in life for those last ten minutes but to keep the back straight, arms up and not stop.

And then there's the rush of joy and relief as you recognize the familiar landmark which tells you - you are done. All the pain and sweat and discomfort and doubt - all of it goes away in that one instant. You slow down and stretch and your body hurts. But it feels so good. You sit down and slowly bite into a juicy pear.

If that moment doesn't count as one that makes you 'feel alive', I don't know what does.

There is something cathartic, something purifying about your mind and body going through a painful process like that and emerging from the other side. It's kind of a safe way to squeeze unnecessary negativity out of your mind and body.

Why shouldn't feeling alive like that count as a spiritual experience? For me, it does and hence I want to do this pilgrimage every year.

Romantic comedies

I enjoy watching romantic comedies. I really do. Who wouldn't? They're funny, feel-good, lighthearted and often tell a good story.

I like them the way I like science fiction, superhero, horror and slasher movies. Knowing that the things they show are far from real makes these genres more enjoyable. They fulfill one of the prime purpose of movies - to paint as glorious a fantasy as possible and let you revel in it. And from a distance too, if the fantasy is gruesome and dangerous.

Where romantic comedies differ is in the blurring of that line of fantasy and reality. The characters in these movies are ordinary people like you and me (although far more attractive....the creators of these dreams want you to aspire to being like them obviously). They have fairly normal lives, with events and situations and flaws that many of us can identify with. The characters laugh and weep and are vulnerable just like us. Sometimes they show our emotions better than we do. This makes the movie and the people in it very relatable. It is far too easy to see yourself as the office guy falling for the good looking girl or seeing someone cute at a wedding and pursuing them. These things happen everyday all around the world.

And this is where the problem starts. These characters are sometimes too close to real life. This leaves you with a strange combination where the characters are very life-like but the plot is still a fantasy. Much as I marvel at the capacities of the human brain,  I'm not sure it is rational enough to keep all of this sorted and well-delineated all the time.

How can we be sure that what we see and identify with and aspire to for a long time during our formative years (how many rom coms have you seen from the age of 14 till today?) hasn't impacted our ability to think and take decisions in a certain manner? Who is to say watching many movies like these doesn't introduce a systemic bias in the way we perceive relationships and other people? That they don't affect our expectations and assumptions about people?

In many of the romantic movies, an external force - God, Nature, Destiny, Fate, Serendipity - essentially something out of your control and (surprisingly) with your well-being and happiness at heart intervenes at opportune moments to bring people together. If the movie is particularly well crafted, we often miss this element and it is weaved very subtly into the narrative. But it's there always. This element, which is out of your control, forms the core of the 'fantasy' part of a rom-com. And by definition, it is extremely unlikely to happen to you in real life.

But many people miss that part, knowingly or unknowingly, because the canvas on which writers and directors paint a beautiful picture of your life is so very broad and oh-so-charming. In between all the adorable 'awww's and the poignant tender moments designed to open you up to beautiful possibilities in your life, it is easy to miss the element of fantasy that is holding up the entire picture.

As one trademark pithy Calvin and Hobbes truism goes:

Why isn’t my life like a situation comedy? Why don’t I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren’t my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don’t my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well-being when I have problems?… I gotta get my life some writers.

The more effectively this element is hidden and blended into the movie, the better the final illusion. Alternately, a movie like serendipity might take a contrary approach and flaunt its supernatural element as its USP. It then becomes free to make its characters even more vulnerable and helpless, while retaining their charm by showing their struggles against their fate.

When someone starts relating  too much to movies and novels like these, while missing the fantasy part, I suspect there develops an undetected sense of entitlement, even in an otherwise self-reliant person. When things don't happen the way they do in the stories, that person might start asking questions like 'why doesn't something like this happen to me?' But underlying this question is the hidden assumption that something like this is supposed to happen to you. As if it is the norm or at least that it happens with a majority of people. Wanting things to happen to you, hoping for signs to guide you the 'right' way and other such wishes where the  locus of control is with some outer unknown power, are often seen in such cases.

Very few, if any, of these stories show the hard work that goes into making a successful relationship. They focus on the chemistry between couples, which can (if present in real life) be merely the first thing that brings people together. Arguably, it is neither the writer/director's job nor their intention to show how to build successful relationships. They want to entertain and sell you a story and they do so using whatever they can - it is fair to show an arbitrary fate bringing people together (supposedly meant to be with each other) in mysterious ways. But the way these stories are sold with the 'coming together' as the final step in happiness and bliss is deceptive at best, damaging at worst. And it isn't the seller's fault that you are deceived or damaged by this.

We all want to believe. Especially when a path to reach our soul-mate is shown to us in charming colors and sounds. Who doesn't want lovely dreams?

But as the cliché goes, the best way to realize a dream is to wake up.

Rules about people

I found this entry in one of my old diaries from some years ago. Turns out I did not have the common sense to note down the source. Anyway, credit to whoever wrote these first. And as I read them again with new eyes, I disagree with many of them.

1. Everyone is still a child regardless of age and everyone still needs the basic acceptance, attention and emotional stroking that children need.

2. 99% of the population have less than adequate self worth, self esteem, self-confidence and self-image.

3. The other 1% are lying.

4. People don't care how much you know. They do, however know how much you care. Learn to express, not impress.

5. Big listeners are popular. Big talkers are often lonely.

6. A compliment is worth a thousand presents.

7. Everyone must be forgiven unequivocally and permanently. Whatever they may have done, they are products of their own childhood. Anger and bitterness eat away at and destroy those who harbor those feelings and not those towards whom they are directed.

8. People who are angry are often those who are hurting themselves.

9. Everyone would like to have more control over at least one aspect of life, and everyone needs at least one person to whom they can open up completely.

10. No one really cares if you make a fool of yourself. Everyone is far too busy thinking about themselves and their own problems to care much about yours.

11. There's no such thing as rejection, simply a refusal of the product currently on offer. Don't take it personally.

12. Everybody communicates differently with words, feelings, pictures or gesticulations. To create rapport with them, you need to communicate in the same way they do.

13. People that are like each other, tend to like each other. Opposites do attract but often they eventually repel and destroy each other.

14. Do suffer fools gladly. There is actually no such thing as a fool, simply someone less fortunate or less gifted than you and and you can learn from everyone.

15. Never try to change someone (especially children). It becomes a statement that you do not like them.

16. People often do not mean what they say, yet they don't often say what they mean.

17. He who wins the argument, loses the war.

18. If you spend too much time thinking about yourself, then you're likely to end up by yourself.

19. Don't let anybody bounce checks in your emotional bank account. Nobody has the right to chop you down and make you feel small without your permission.

20. The immutable law of life can be stated in many ways:

"What goes around has a habit of coming around, although you might not receive back directly from the hand to whom you give."

"As you sow so shall you reap."

"If you are not getting what you want back out of people and life, then you are simply not putting enough in."


Heavily generalized as the list is, I found a few of these sensible in some contexts - points  1, 8 - 13, 18 and 19. The rest not so much.

Why twitter can get addictive

Here's why:

It fulfills that basic need of all humans - to connect, to feel appreciated. That's the Big Idea with all social sites.

Why twitter succeeds in particular is because here,  that Idea comes in small convenient packets that you can open anytime you want, with optional anonymity and the ability to quietly observe (if you don't feel like talking, just keep quite and observe - a luxury not afforded in real life). The cost of getting invested is very low and the returns are high.So it becomes easy to get hooked.

Add to that the constantly updated (if you follow the right people) information, the followers, the stars, RTs, trophies, mentions, display pictures, instagrams - so many ways to get validated and be heard! It's like being on a pulse intravenous dopamine drip. And you quickly develop tachyphylaxis to it.

I'm not in a position to judge the medium, since my experience with it is limited. These are observations. A lot of the pros and cons of the medium have to do with the user. Nurses and drug-addicts both use needles - to entirely different purposes. Cannot blame needles now, can we? I wouldn't blame twitter either.

One advantage to twitter is that you meet great people you otherwise might never have met (although there is no way to verify this). I definitely did meet and became friends with  some great people and I'm happy and grateful for that.

To play the devil's advocate and be entirely objective for a moment however, what are the costs of making these connections? In terms of time, lost productivity, lost growth, lost ideas, actions you could've taken?   And how real are these connections anyway? Perhaps the time I spent in connecting with anonymous people on twitter could've been better spent in connecting with people in real life? The latter is tougher but is it better? For every wonderful person I meet on twitter, who's to say there isn't another wonderful person I'm missing out in real life? and what if the latter relationship is more likely to be better for me in the long term?

There are people who use twitter in a very disciplined manner, for specific purposes and with specific objectives in mind. And more importantly, with time limits. I wonder how many of them are there, though. I suspect most  of them are in the 30 -60 age group. It'll be interesting to see, for every such 'power' user, how many twitter addicts one can find and what their characteristics are.

Twitter has impact on real life of course, it's not all virtual. Whether that impact is good or bad, depends on who you ask. This is especially apparent in politics and media.

I'm however more interested in the impact on people's individual lives, on their productivity, on long term satisfaction. If I could, I would love to set up a randomized controlled trial to assess the impact of twitter on everyday life. To see how having twitter in a person's life changes their personality and the choices and decisions they make versus those who don't use it.

A worrisome aspect about twitter is this - it is one of the easiest ways to avoid looking at problems in your own life, especially if you are pre-disposed to procrastination and anxiety.. That twitter is merely a distraction, would be an understatement. It helps in task avoidance in much the same way that TV and movies do. However, movies have time limits and with TV, the passive nature of the activity makes you get tired of it relatively early. Twitter on the other hand gives you the illusion of activity, without you doing much. Even if you know it is a sort of passive activity, it is easy to overlook that in the moment  since you are interacting with it regularly. To read new tweets, you have to click or refresh, go to other people's profiles, write something, star it, retweet it, think about how you are going to reply to something or how you are going to make your joke sound funnier. There is an insidious passivity to the whole thing since you aren't actually creating something new. You are sharing and reading and expressing, but the 'creation' itself, is just tweets.


Of course, if self expression is valuable to you, spending that time forming and sharing those tweets is worth it. But then we come back again to the point of the costs that you are paying for that ability, the potential for addiction and lost opportunities if any. Also, how valuable is unmitigated, relentless self-expression anyway?

And all this while, you are getting to see and learn things that others have done...the TED talks, the thought catalogs, the brain pickings,  blog posts forwarded with a 'briliiant' or 'excellent, must read' thrown in. Since our society places a high premium on these things, your brain can easily tell you that you are getting something valuable for your time spent on twitter.

In that swirl of self-validation, new information, humor, wit, sarcasm, self-expression, sharing and connection I wonder how many people are able to keep a cap on their twitter usage and assess objectively, whether that usage has given them what they wanted.

If you think you use twitter (or other sites) more than you should, perhaps making a list of things that brought value to you in the last couple of years and seeing how many of those come from your time spent on the site, would be a useful exercise.