Guaranteed

So, I'm poetry-impaired. Mostly when I read a poem, in some book or on blogs, I have to be told its significance. It's often hard for me to differentiate the subtleties (often so-called, in my opinion) and I have to re-read even the simpler ones several times. And I still don't get them.

Even so, there are tons of songs and lyrics I like. But there are just a handful of songs that really create that feeling of understanding the first time I hear them. Powerful enough to be remembered and returned to again and again and even to be noted down. What usually happens is that I hear part of the song and there's this gut feeling that I'm going to like it. And then I end up searching for the song, listening to it again and again and reading up its history.

Guaranteed is one such song. I  heard only a part of it when I was watching 'Into the Wild'. And now it is one of my favorites, as is Eddie Vedder.

On bended knee is no way to be free
Lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently
All my destinations will accept the one that's me
So I can breathe...

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
Half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
A mind full of questions, and a teacher in my soul
And so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought
They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought
I've my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead
Overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me
Guaranteed

Depression has a song!

Lately, drawing connections between seemingly disparate things has become a fun pastime for me. Today for some reason I remembered this song from the 1975 movie 'Mili', and listened to it. It's a gem composed by S.D. Burman, written by Yogesh and sung by Kishore Kumar.

No one needs to be told that this is a sad song. Even those unfamiliar with Hindi can guess the mood of the song from it's soulful tune. However, I listened to its lyrics carefully this time. And I found that no other song captures the feelings of  someone sufffering from clinical depression in as few words as this one does. A 1970s hindi song describing symptoms of depression is really interesting. I've tried translating it below, with no attempt at poetic rhythm, and the corresponding symptoms of depression are identified. As usual, several English words fail to capture the aroma of the original Hindi/Urdu words.:

badi suni suni hai zindagi ye zindagi - (2)

mai khud se hun yahaan ajanabi ajanabi. badi

This life is quite forlorn. I'm a stranger to myself here. (hopelessness, dissociation)

kabhi ek pal bhi, kahi ye udaasi

dil meraa bhule

If my heart manages to forget this unhappiness even for a moment,

tabhi muskuraakar dabe paanv aakar

dukh mujhe chhule

Just then Sadness reappears and touches me quietly, knowingly. (Persistent feelings of unhappiness)

na kar mujhase gam mere, dillagi ye dillagi

badi

My sorrow,  please don't play these games with my heart.

kabhi mai na soyaa, kahi mujhase khoyaa

sukh meraa aise

Sometimes, I don't sleep (insomnia). I've lost my own happiness

pataa naam likhakar, kahi yunhi rakhakar

bhule koi kaise

the way someone might forget a thing that has their name and address written over it.

ajab dukh bhari hai ye, bebasi bebasi

This (helplessness) is strange and fills me with sorrow.

I doubt the lyricist was able to write this without having suffered or having seen someone close suffer from depression. Thanks for writing this Yogesh ji, wherever you are.