The insidious addictions

Matt Frazier over at No Meat Athlete has another great post about habits and the lessons he learned during a month of practicing discipline consciously.

I could relate almost completely to point number three in his list (emphasis mine):

3. Recognize the distractions and addictions that are — to be blunt — ruining your life.

Again, I’ll point to email. It was my main digital addiction. I imagine that Facebook and TV are bigger ones for most people, but email was mine.
In short: Email is where I learn about new opportunities, so it’s fun for me to check it. Although I quickly learned that it was stupid and unproductive to leave Gmail open while I was trying to work, email remained my little reward when I was done. Soon, the addiction worsened, and checking email became my default behavior.

Just got in from a run? Check email. Finished reading a chapter in a book? Check email. Finished a walk with the family? Check email. First thing in the morning, last thing at night? Check email.
 

Checking email became the reward for everything else in life, my home base. The state of checking email was my steady state, the state I always strived to return to.

 

Centering your schedule around something so meaningless is a recipe for emptiness in your life.
 

To break free of it, you just need to learn to sit with the urge. Recognize when you’re feeling that pull to do the empty, addictive behavior, and just be okay with not doing it. Sit there. Or better, start that other, important thing — you know, the one you always say you don’t have time to do.

It doesn’t take long before the previous way of doing things — think about it, treating email or Facebook or TV as your reward for hanging out with your family? — seems pretty ridiculous. Once you’ve recognized these addictions for what they are, you can confine them to neat little time boxes, enjoy them for a few minutes each day (or just kill them entirely), and all of a sudden there’s plenty of space for richness in your life.
 

My experience has been a lot similar, especially with email and facebook. Every time I log on to facebook now (after reactivating it because a friend wanted to tag me), the posts seem largely redundant. Could be that I'm friends with the most boring people on earth or that the interesting ones do not use facebook. Whatever the reason, it has definitely lost its ability to draw me into clicking and reading on the site. Matt used the exact word I had in mind - ridiculous - when I think about how I used to compulsively check it a few years ago.

Saying that things like email and facebook addiction ruin your life might be a stretch for some people. And it is. Except when the operative word is addiction.

If you factor in the time spent on these by addicts, the way the content shapes their mind and thoughts, how they subsequently alter their actions and choices based on what they've read, the loss of focus - then no amount of TED talks and positive/interesting/funny/poignant articles and pictures that facebook or your email might provide can make up for the damage caused to your life.

You choose

We can debate free will and destiny till we have neither left and it won't make any difference to how we live. A more direct and useful way of resolving this for our day-to-day life is to understand that things that are out of our control, both good and (especially) bad, can and will happen to us.

Even so, it is in our hands how we react to them.

So apart from choosing what to do, we also have the choice to react the way we want to...to things that we didn't do or didn't want to have done to us.

Best summarized in The Answer Man:

Why can't I do the things I want to do? There's so much I know I'm capable of that I never actually do. Why is that?  

The trick is to realize that you're always doing what you want to do... always. Nobody's making you do anything. Once you get that, you see that you're free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you. You choose.

Asking

There's value in charting your own path.

Then there are times when it just makes sense to follow a path that others have created.

Why is it so god-awfully hard to differentiate when to do which?

It isn't actually that hard to differentiate. Usually, your instincts and common sense prove to be a decent guide. Also, more tangible things like the time available and how much effort you are willing to put into it.

For example while creating new habits, after failing plenty of times, it made sense for me to look at how others had been doing it successfully and emulate them (it worked). The same might be true for creating a business from scratch or even routine office work. You just have to see how it was done by others and learn from there, improving as well as increasing the efficiency. Of course, the challenges you face might be different and you'll have to adjust your course for them.But that is how growth occurs. By standing on the shoulders of those before you. You don't have to re-invent the wheel all the time.

It might not hold true for other things like painting or creating a niche business where there is no precedent. Your art isn't going to be called great if you simply copy the style of some great artists. There, it's better to become the deaf frog in the story, who climbs out of the well not hearing the discouraging opinions of others who say it can't be done or that it should be done a certain way.

When laid out like this, things looks fairly simple.

The trouble starts when our innate ego and arrogance (as well as ignorance) creeps in. Suddenly even if a solution or a great suggestion is handed to us on a platter, we refuse to follow it. It's mind boggling how stupid you look to a detached observer when you do this. Not that that should matter. The worrisome point being you damage your own chances at success by being pig-headed about following your own way when someone else has figured out a solution. The flip-side, of not accepting the discomfort of creating your own path when the situation calls for it, is equally self-defeating.

It's better to make a thumb rule of asking, before you embark on some new change, whether this has been done before by others and whether it is wiser to follow them or find your own way. A little time spent contemplating this, keeping aside your self-importance, will save you a lot of time and heartburn later on.

Vegan Continuum

Original graphic by Kimberley Steele. Image found here.

Perhaps in a few generations, we will divide people in categories like -

"Pure-bloods" - someone who has been vegan since birth

"Redemptees" - Lifelong vegetarians who have turned to veganism.

"Tainted bloods" - a former non-vegetarian who is now a vegan

"The Lost/Evil ones" - Those who continue to eat meat even after being told about veganism.

Gratitude

Sometimes, it's shocking when I realize after some thought how the 'few' resources I have are actually an immense advantage.

A simple example - I can put in a run late at night, even midnight, if I haven't done that in daytime. And I've run a lot during evenings than I have in the mornings. This is because of the fitness center in my apartment. Without much preparation beforehand, without having to take any precautions (safe routes), dress up for the weather, carry water and money/keys, without having to drive, I can simply get up and get my regular dose of mood lifter with just an elevator ride below. There is a compromise of course. The treadmill can never match the trail. But a run is a run. And the endorphins don't care about the surface you ran on. Such a simple thing can keep your days and nights on track.

Once you start noticing the things you have an advantage at, the list keeps growing. Your health, your family, your education, the fact that you are able to piss and poop normally! (years ago I had read a Reader's Digest story about a Somalian girl who suffered female genital mutilation, later on escaping and becoming a supermodel. She described, among other terrible things she had to undergo, how even urinating daily was a painful experience for her because of what they did to her. Then there's also seeing people in the hospital with catheters and colostomies. You can't help but think how lucky you are.)

And as this realization becomes a recurring thought over days, it seems stranger and stranger to waste your life and time doing things you are not interested in or which add no value to your life or to that of others you care for.

You never know when something you value will suddenly disappear.

Run while you can. Do things you want to do while you can.

One step after another

When you are in the last few miles of a long run (which often turn out to be the hardest) and are on the verge of giving up, you can't afford to think of how things would've turned out 'if only' you had done things differently before the run or during the earlier miles. Neither does it help to think of what will happen after the run.

Any thoughts at that point about the past or about giving up will hinder rather than help you.

The fastest way to get relief and to not regret it later on, is to keep going.

The feeling is crazy because here are you are exhausted and hurting and your legs don't want to move anymore. A small break, just a teeny weeny one minute walking break would make you feel refreshed you think. Everything in your body tells you to stop there or take a pause. Many things in your mind keep hammering that too. Our minds are so used to a culture of convenience that it doesn't make any sense at all to go through this entirely voluntary madness. We are surrounded by things designed to make every small slice of our life as comfortable as we can afford it to be. Our chairs, bed, quilts, couches, cars, carpets, gadgets, food, desserts, furniture, language, gestures, TV shows, social networks....everything has evolved to provide comfort and convenience. Why then should you put yourself through the misery of those last few miles?

The answer is different for everyone.

However, the way to reach the destination honorably remains the same. One step after another. Maybe your stride and breathing is now more efficient than before and you are running smarter, not just harder. But it is still one step after another.

And the same answer applies when you are stuck at some point in life, outside of running. It doesn't matter that you've come so far,  that you didn't get a fair deal in life (the weather isn't always perfect for running), that you faltered and had to stop running for some time in the past, that there's no one to cheer you on when you think you need it most, that you've temporarily forgotten why you are doing this, that others are doing this way better than you, that you suck at this. The only thing that matters is you keep going even if it hurts so damn much.

Create a habit of waking up early - a guide

Habits can be deceptively easy to form. Until you actually try one your mind has been resisting.

For some people, waking up early comes naturally. So this post isn't for them. This also isn't for you if you don't feel any particular need for waking up early or if there is someone reliable around to wake you up when you need to.

After the meditation habit, this one was on my goals list. But I kept falling off the trail for one reason or another. Now that I've formed this habit, will note down what I did in case I have to go through it again.

The following is based on a combination of methods described by Leo Babauta, Scott Young, 'No meat athlete' and Maneesh Sethi. And my own experience, of course.

Before you commit to making this change - Have a reason to do so.

There is nothing spectacularly remarkable about waking up early. And it isn't necessary at all. (In fact there are many people out there, happy and productive with a late-to-bed late-to-rise cycle. Some of the most successful drug dealers and shady businessmen do the bulk of their activities after 10 pm and spend most of the day in bed.)

However, if after thinking about it you do find some good reasons why you want to start waking up early, it will make things that much easier for you. Write the reasons down. A vague goal like leading a better life or getting life in order will not help you sustain this habit for more than a few days, if at all. The reasons could be as mundane as they were for me - finding time to run/walk in the morning because I usually procrastinate on doing so in the evening (watching the sunrise is a bonus). But it should be something you really really want.

So invest some time in thinking why you want to do so. If you see yourself doing well as a night owl, follow that.

Once you find a reason (s)....

Step 1: Decide on an activity to do in the morning immediately after waking up.

This should be something you really like doing, something you look forward to, preferably something that isn't hard to do. Could be reading a book or taking a walk or drinking tea/coffee, whatever you like. Avoid the internet at this time. You don't want to replace one unwanted habit with a potentially addictive one. Also, the internet has a way of making you spend way more time on it than you intend to. So choose an activity that you enjoy and that will keep you up. But something that is easy to do so your brain isn't averse to start doing it.

Step 2: Choose a date to get started, preferably in a week or so.

This lets your mind dwell on the change and get prepared slowly. You start expecting the change. 'From tomorrow, I'm going to to wake up early' doesn't work in my experience. Neither does, 'I'm trying these days...' What does work is making a decision on Jan 7 that 'I'm going to wake up early everyday from Jan 14 to Feb 14'. A specific time frame for your brain to process makes this change easier. Aim for just 30 days of this, not an indefinite period.

Step 3: Choose a time that is close to your current waking time. 

Even if your goal is to wake up at 5 am, going for that right from the start when your current waking time is 8 am will make things harder for you to sustain. Your body can take this sort of change, but only if forced (as in an army barracks) or if you have some really intense commitment to the goal. So choose just a half hour earlier or even 15 minutes earlier than your usual time. Then every few days as you succeed in waking up at that time, push back the waking time 5-10 mins till you reach your final goal.



Step 4: Have a foolproof alarm - something that will ensure you get up

Invest in a good clock if  need be or swallow your pride to ask someone living with you to help you get up early (if they are an early riser). Whatever you use, make sure it gets you out of the drowsy state of mind  long enough for you to know what you are doing up so early and start doing that activity you decided. Place the alarm away from the bed so you have get up and walk to shut it off.

Step 5: Set up accountability

This was the single most useful step for me without which I'd have failed. Many of us are whip-driven creatures and like to avoid punishment more than gaining pleasure. To incorporate this aspect into habit making, set up a system so that if you fail you have to undergo some form of punishment. For me this was a simple deal with a friend - if I did not walk over to his place (about 10 mins away) and text him details of any car parked in front of his building by a certain time in the early morning, I'd have to pay him 5 bucks for that day. This achieved two goals - accountability and a simple mindless activity to do immediately after waking up. By the time I came back after 20 mins I wasn't sleepy anymore. Choose something that you would hate to do if you miss.

Step 6: If you miss, start again.

Life will happen. Sometimes you won't be able to get to bed on time. Do not despair. Cut your losses and re-start as if nothing happened. If this happens several days in a row, then there might be something significant that needs changing. But an occasional slip-up is no cause for discouragement.


Step 7: Decide on bedtime. Wind down with rituals.

Count back the hours from when you need to wake up and choose a bed time based on how much sleep you need and start winding down about 1-2 hours before that. Winding down could be some rituals like brushing teeth (also implies not eating anything after say 10 pm) , a shower, reading from a book, shutting off all screens (phone laptop, e readers), dimming the lights, meditating, whatever. Rituals are vastly underrated. Follow them.

Step 8: If you can't sleep, don't force it.

Usually, following the above steps will make it easier to fall asleep. Also, getting tired through exercise is the best sleep-inducing drug. If however, you can't sleep in the early days of this habit making, don't force it. There will be such days - try to find things to do at such times that don't involve computers, eating, or loud music.


Avoid taking on other habit - commitments at this time. There isn't much benefit to stretching your willpower thin.

All of these steps (in no particular order) seem to be too many complications and work for something as simple as waking up early. However, once the habit is formed, the number (and quality) of hours you add to your day along with the feeling of well-being, make doing all this worth it. What's more, once the habit is formed even disturbances in your schedule or the occasional late night out doesn't affect it.