You choose

We can debate free will and destiny till we have neither left and it won't make any difference to how we live. A more direct and useful way of resolving this for our day-to-day life is to understand that things that are out of our control, both good and (especially) bad, can and will happen to us.

Even so, it is in our hands how we react to them.

So apart from choosing what to do, we also have the choice to react the way we want to...to things that we didn't do or didn't want to have done to us.

Best summarized in The Answer Man:

Why can't I do the things I want to do? There's so much I know I'm capable of that I never actually do. Why is that?  

The trick is to realize that you're always doing what you want to do... always. Nobody's making you do anything. Once you get that, you see that you're free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you. You choose.