Where the US government spends its money

From DeathAndTaxesPoster.com

Creating this poster must have taken a lot of hard work.

Signing up for organ donation

I underwent the law test, vision screening and necessary paperwork for a driving license. Before signing on the digital dotted line, I was cursorily asked a question about whether I would like to be included in their database as an organ donor. (The exact question was worded differently and escapes me now but it meant approximately the same.) I think they were asking me to enroll as an organ donor and not just whether I was already registered and would like to be addded to their list.

Organ donation is obviously a good thing, a moral thing to do. But why do so few people do it? Why didn't I sign up immediately then and there?

For me, it would be an important decision to be discussed with my family members.  I know it is an emotive issue for them and they would probably not be very comfortable with the whole concept. Maybe it should not concern them at all. After all it is my body, plus most of the donations happen after one's death. The point is, I needed time to think about it. As such, making a split second decision while facing a decidely cold and humorless MVA agent who seemed eager to get things over with,  wasn't something I was looking forward to, especially since I didn't know that that question would pop up during the driving license process.

On the face of it, it seems like a good idea to ask people to sign up for organ donation when they come to the government for a license. The ubiquity of licenses ensures greater coverage.

But is it really effective?

Many selves

Maybe we are not one self. We are infinite selves separated by seconds, emotions, desires and actions. The self typing this different from the self who was enjoying a TV show just now or who was reading a book earlier. All of these selves are different from the one cooking or working.

We aspire to be a different kind of self. I have an image of myself created in my mind - what I want to be what I want to achieve.

Realizing these different selves is important to stop the blaming and guilt of lost opportnunities,to understand what goes on in my unmotivated state, why I lose opportunities when I do.

What if I convince my other selves to co-operate with each other to work towards becoming the one desired self.

What if I tell myself that the reason I don't feel like getting up early and going for a run is because the self who went to sleep last night planning and assuring himself that I'd do these things, is different from the self who is feeling comfortable in the warm bed. I must understand that because they are different they will need different kinds and degrees of motivation, and more energy in total will be spent to persuade, since the morning self will not agree with the night self.

I can be mindful of the selves and address them one by one till they agree to help me reach the desired self.

You have to carry on with life, especially amidst the drama

Everyday drama will always be there. You can't stop it. And you shouldn't. Without it, life probably would lose some of its colour.

But you should recognize it for what it is. All the bunched up feelings, expectations, inevitable disappointments, a question here, an exclamation there, a snub, silence...all of these are a sideshow. The real story for you is you and what you are doing. Are you making a difference. Is what you are doing what you wanted to do or leading to what you want to do? Question yourself, but not too much. Better to have a bias towards action.

Take the drama in your stride.

Why dealing with procrastination is really important

Whenever I talk about procrastination with others, the topic and the effect it has on people is acknowledged. But the tone of the discussion quickly takes on a lighter mood. Procrastination is viewed more as a nuisance - something that is to be expected and that will take care of itself eventually, something you will grow out of - rather than something that has life-course altering profound effects. I have felt differently about this in the past two years. I take this problem (which I suffer from a lot too) quite seriously and wish there were more serious discussions and better strategies to bring it under control.

This blog article by Dr. Timothy Pychyl  finally validates my thoughts and is presented way better than I could have articulated it. Some excerpts:

In the course of his discussion of coping with death and counseling individuals who are grieving, Dr. Eliason noted two kinds of regrets that people express in their grief over the loss of a loved one: regrets of commission and omission.

And about the regrets of ommission, the author says:

As I expected given the guilt associated with procrastination, regret over the things these grieving people really intended to do but didn't was most problematic. The regrets of omission related to our procrastination were most troubling in the grieving process.

While it may be possible to forgive oneself for an act of commission, as we all make mistakes, realizing too late in life that you simply failed to take action when you could have, is unbearable in many instances.

This is my favorite thought in the entire article: 

 Procrastination isn't simply a matter of "all-nighters" on school assignments, work projects or our taxes. Procrastination is, quite often, a failure to grasp our own agency in life. It's a life of inauthentic engagement, or lack of engagement, which can bring with it these deep regrets of omission.

I also liked that he wrote about..

....the importance of dealing with procrastination as a symptom of an existential malaise; a malaise that can only be addressed by our deep commitment to authoring the stories of our lives.

I wager that if the total cost of procrastination to human relationships and economies is calculated globally, it would exceed that of any other medical condition whether communicable or non-communicable.

Dr. Pychyl heads a procrastination research group at Carleton University, Canada and the research can be found at procratination.ca

Some respite from male-bashing

It's the end of men. Again.

Heather Gilligan offers a perspective very different from Hanna Rosin's views. The gender wars could be mostly media manufactured and escapist in nature - because we find it nearly impossible to tackle the root cause of the job losses affecting men more than women - class inequalites.

This point really resonated with me -

We’ve taken the inevitable ups and downs of unmediated capitalism and turned them into a problem that men have with women, and women have with men. We’re distracting ourselves from asking hard questions about our economic structure—examining why and how our system regularly hurtles members of the middle and working class toward financial disaster. Instead of wondering why an economy that used to support a family on the salary of one worker now requires the work of two, or where well-paying blue-collar jobs went, we snipe at each other in silly, unproductive sex wars.

Changes in tradition

So lately, a lot of the older concepts are being challenged. A roundup of stuff I came across:

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Being single is no worse than, and may in fact be better than being married.

It is better to marry in your thirties than in your twenties (directed towards women.)

Marriage should be a renewable contract with periodic reviews rather than a death-do-us-apart matter. Instead of committing for a lifetime, marriage should be treated as a time-bound license.

Having children is associated with couples being less happy as compared to childless couples.

You should have the choice of which pronoun you prefer to be addressed by - whether you are a male/female or prefer not to be identified by these 'mere social constructs'.

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A lot of these deserve thought and consideration. New ideas can take root or lead to better ideas only when the established thinking is challenged. I would practice a lot of caution though, before taking any advice on family life and relationships from modern western civilization.

Powerful women in business

Women are at the apex of companies like Kraft foods, Pepsi, McDonalds, Walmart, Corn Products Intl., GE and Lockheed Martin (" the company’s three female EVPs control about 70% of its revenue"). They are also heading or are in the top leadership positions of 'good' companies like Google, IBM, Facebook, HP and Sony.

50 most powerful women in business.

At the time of writing this, Oprah Winfrey was the most admired among them according to a  (obviously unscientific) reader poll on the website.

This is a topic worth looking more into. How many women are there at the top? What are the qualitative differences in pay and performance as compared to men at the top?. This article provides some initial answers, although it is 2 years old.

Sweaty Guy at the gym

I woke up today hating, out of nowhere, the Sweaty Guy at the fitness center.

He is a skeleton, with skin stretched over the bony framework. He exercises in just one manner - the forward bending bicycle. Every single time. For a long long time. Till he starts sweating. Copiously. His clothes are drenched, the bicycle is drenched, the floor underneath the bicycle is drenched. He does not carry a towel and he wears thin gym clothes. The fitness center is small and the bicycle is located right in the center. You cannot avoid looking at that repulsive sight. True to Murphy's law, he is there whenever I go to the center, be it 6 pm or 10.

I do admire the focus, stamina and single mindedness of the person.

But that does not help in getting rid of the nauseating disgust. Some people look heroic, inspirational even attractive (especially girls and women) when they sweat. Not this guy. He makes me not want to go to the gym.

I am just thankful he wipes the bicycle after he is done. I have never used that bicycle.

I must find a different time to exercise.

Rant

The shuttle ride has its annoying moments. One of the most irritating ones is when someone really talkative sits near you. It's worse if it is two talkative people, especially females. But guys can be equally annoying. Their conversations are full of inane subjects and one can easily see the fake interest they show in each other, their narcissistic bent, pointless narrations and unsolicited opinions. Vacuous. Loud.

Something similar happens when someone talks on the phone throughout the bus ride. Girls do this far more often than guys.

Is it not etiquette that unless there is an emergency, phone conversations should be postponed until one gets off the bus?

Money and happiness

Money can't buy happiness is partially true..but only partially. If a family member is ill, it is money that will enable you to get the best treatment possible. Seeing them well will make you happy (and they'll be happy too). Wealth isn't necessarily going to make you miserable.

Perhaps money can be seen as something that helps us have freedom. Epicurus said that after  the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter are taken care of, humans need three things to be happy - friends, freedom and thought. Having adequate, or more than adequate, money can help us be free to say no to people and events and work that restrict our freedom. It can also leave us with the time and leisure to examine our life.

feelings

जिन दिनों आप थे

आँख में  धुप  थी

जिन दिनों आप रहते थे

आँख में धुप रहती थी

अब तो जाले ही जाले  हैं

ये भी जाने ही वाले हैं

वो जो था दर्द का करार कहाँ ?

वो जो था दर्द का करार कहाँ ?

अब मुझे कोई इंतेज़ार कहाँ?

वो जो बहते थे आबशार कहाँ?

अब मुझे कोई इंतेज़ार कहाँ ..... 

The End of Solitude - William Deresiewicz

Main take-aways from a wonderful article:

1) The contemporary self wants to be recognized, connected, to be visible. By being seen by others, we become real to ourselves. The great contemporary terror is anonymity.

2)We are letting technology take away our privacy, concentration and our ability to be alone - solitude.

3)Solitude is essential for listening to one's own voice and for spiritual growth.

4)The concept and practice of solitude changed through the thinking ages - Reformation (self with god), Romanticism (self with nature, the self is validated by a congruity of public appearance and private essence - one that stabilizes its relationship with both itself and others), Modernism (harsher, more isolated, heroic self-discovery)  and post-modernism (Internet is a blessing but has become too much of a good thing, we have lost the ability to be alone) - moulding to the conditions and zeitgeist prevalent in those periods.

5)Young people today seem to have no desire for solitude and can't imagine why it would be worth having. Technology is helping stave off the possibility of solitude.

6) Boredom is the negative experience of having nothing to do while loneliness is the grief over the absence of company. The Internet is as powerful a machine for the production of loneliness as television is for the manufacture of boredom, both ironically being touted as the solution for those maladies. The consumer society wants to condition us to feel bored, since boredom creates a market for stimulation.

7) Solitude gives us introspection (which is at the center of spiritual life) of wisdom and conduct, and the ability of sustained reading.

8) Losing solitude has come with a change in the way of creating and communicating one's sense of self. Such communication is now made to the world rather than to oneself, graphically rather than verbally, performatively rather than narratively or analytically, and it is believed that it can be made completely. Young people feel that can make themselves fully known to one another - they seem to lack a sense of their own depths and the value of keeping them hidden.

9) Solitude enables us to secure the integrity of the self as well as to explore it.

10) We are not merely social beings. We are each also separate, solitary, alone in our own room, each miraculously our unique selves and mysteriously enclosed in that selfhood.

11) Solitude is disappearing as a social value and a social idea. Solitude isn't easy, isn't for everyone and can make one unpopular and impolite. Friendship may be slipping from our grasp but friendliness is universal; partly because we have made of geniality  - a weak smile, fake invitation, polite interest - a cardinal virtue. But securing one's self-possession is worth a few wounded feelings. Those who would find solitude must not be afraid to stand alone.

Living appropriately or gloriously

"Our great and glorious masterpiece is to live appropriately."
— Michael de Montaigne

At some level, I know this is true but something about this is not completely acceptable to me. The notions of heroic activity, going beyond just living appropriately, is so compelling. Haven't given up on it yet. Is the notion of 'giving up' right in this context? Maybe I should say I haven't been able to let it go till now.

Something to learn from faculty in US

It was a monthly meeting of the voluntary organization. All the attendees were students of the university. About 10 minutes into the meeting, the president of the university accompanied by a woman (presumably his wife) walked into the auditorium with the head of the organization. No one got up. The speaker did not stop talking. A momentary mention noting his arrival and the subsequent applause were the only things that would tell anyone that an important person had just walked into the room. That was it, no special treatment, no 'two words' from our esteemed guests. It was back to business immediately. Even after the meeting, when the students broke into small groups, no one paid any particular attention to the VIP walking in between the tables. He did not interrrupt anyone, simply went about what he was probably there for - to observe how the organization meetings fuctioned. I loved the down-to-earth approach shown by people here.

A simple act of caring for customers

I was having a late lunch at the cafe, in the main building of the Hospital. One half of the squarish large cafeteria hall closes at 4 pm everyday and a partition is put up to separate it from the area that stays open late into the night.There are doors to exit on three sides.  I was sitting in the area that is closed off but didn't know the exact time when it does that. As I was eating a big man, whose tone and dress implied that he was some sort of manager there came up and thanked me for coming into the place today. He said they close at 4 pm and that I could go over to the other half of the place which stayed open. The reason he was asking me personally to do so was because they were in the process of putting up the partition and had left a door open in one corner in the partition. He didn't want me to have to take a longer route from out of the cafeteria and then reach the open section.He suggested I take the door to reach the other side quickly. When I agreed, he thanked me again and went off to another table to talk to the people there.

Now, this was interesting to me because in many places, usually this kind of task is relegated to the cleaning staff or the counter person or the servers. And they more often than not make short task of it. Often they simply inform the customer that  it is closing time and the customer should move, with a little politeness thrown in. A few times, just a shout from the counter addressed to everyone sitting in the area is considered enough. But talking to each customer individually, being more polite than was required, caring for their convenience, taking that effort, this young man elevated his and the cafe's standing in my eyes. Something to be learned from for all businesses....

Simple differences 1

The offices in US are cleaned by the Janitorial staff after the day's business is over.

In my country, they are cleaned in the morning, usually before (but not always) people start showing up. Sometimes, the two overlap.

Cultural difference. But also, the former makes more sense. People here are willing to work later in the day.

One question to take the mind away from frustration and into focused work

How does this (event or drama or result) affect my efforts and desire for reaching my goal?

I'm gonna show you how great I am

I have wrestled with an alligator
I done tussled with a whale
I done handcuffed lightnin'
Thrown thunder in jail

That's bad

Only last week, I murdered a rock
Injured a stone
Hospitalized a brick
I'm so mean I make medicine sick
Bad. Fast. Fast.

Last night I cut the light off in my bedroom, hit the switch, and was in the bed before the room was dark.


All you chumps are gonna bow when I whoop him, all of you, I know you got him, I know you've got him picked, but the man's in trouble, I'm gonna show you how great I am.

- Muhammad Ali


(P.S.: Other interesting posts)

Chips in Taste of China

The local Taste of China shop has a curious and admittedly thrifty way of displaying availability of certain foods. They stick empty packets of chips to the wall near the counter. I've never seen this done anywhere else, not even in my home country.

How did this method evolve? Just as a thought out of nowhere, that it could be done this way? Or was it a step-by-step evolution; 'we need to tell the customers that they can buy chips here. Our packets need to be displayed prominently. But there is no space to place them. Let's put them on the wall. I don't want the cost of putting up a shelf just for that. Let's just stick them there. But they fall off/look ugly. Let's put up the empty bags' Or was it just a natural outcome of the way things are done by the Chinese, with a focus more on the functionality than on aesthetics? The bags do not look attractive at all, and there were 'only' about 5-6 brands. One would have to look at their sales of chips to see if this method works.

The contrast with other outlets, like Subway, is very stark. They place their wide range of side products almost straight into the hands of the customer - easy to reach and pick up, sometimes even outside the line of sight of the store clerks. Victory for the American way of marketing?